The Joy and Agony of a Parents Life by Elsabie vd Westhuizen


Approximately: $180.00

Summary of content

The purpose of this book is firstly to honour God by describing the wonder of His involvement in our times of trauma and loss.  I also endeavoured to portray the miracles that we experienced before, during and after our son’s death to bring hope and encouragement to all those who are currently mourning.  During a recent course that I attended with the journalists of “Skryfgeheime” the need for such a book was discussed.  Apart from the need, I felt the urge in me to write a book about the death of our son.  Relationship with God in the family and also in the life of a child is a very important aspect covered in the book.  I also shared the experiences of each family member as well as the mistakes we made during our time of mourning.


In the end, I dedicated a chapter to the process of mourning.  This was written from our own experience as a family, but also confirmed and strengthened by research on the subject of mourning the loss of a loved one.  I added photos where it was needed in order to visually make reality a greater truth.  I wanted to use our own experience to help people in despair to focus once again and accept help during their time of mourning.  After an interview on Radio Pulpit in the months after our son’s death, the cry for help from so many people was clear.  The book may also serve as another resource with other books on the same subject.  Every person is unique and so is every story. Postage excluded




I wrote the following words in the form of a poem and it serves as background and introduction of my own life and my relationship with my Heavenly Father and also the story of my childs life and eventually his death.  The true power to manage the shock, pain and the longing is undoubtedly inherent in the power of Gods love.  He offers this love without exception to everyone who has a personal relationship with Him.  He promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us.  Even if it sometimes feels as if we are forsaken by God and man.  However God is not a man that He should lie to us, thus He is the source of everything hat we needed and will ever need.  In the book of John His precious Holy Spirit is described as the Comforter and we accepted Him without any doubt.


Joh 14:26 But the Comforter, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in My name, He shall teach you all things and bring all things to your remembrance, whatever I have said to you.

Joh 14:27 Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Therefore, I have to state that no man or I myself may receive any credit or honour for the way we overcame through each difficult day on this journey. Only through His grace could we press on to live and to laugh once again.  He truly is a faithful Father who cares what we experience in our deepest of hearts.  He is there every step of the way that we walk here on earth.  Every laugh, every tear, every pain and confusion, every uncertainty en even sometimes blame. He knows about it and He wants to heal us inside. Those deep secret places of our inside that we sometimes keep locked up for so many years.  He enters these places by the power of His Holy Spirit.  He only asks of us to trust His ability to heal us regardless how hurt and wounded we are inside.

It is worth the while to surrender completely to His direction and let Him lead the way.  He guides you and carries you, He teaches you and heals you in a very unique way that may be unknown to you.  In the same way, the loss of a child is not a well-known experience to any parent.

It is painful, it is deep, it is raw, but He is faithful and true to everyone who trusts in Him.  I want to use a few Scriptures right in the beginning to offer comfort and also to show how He in actual fact feels about the ‘death’ of His children.  It should never in any way create the impression that He wants to convey the message that our pain and mourning were unnecessary.  On the contrary, nobody knows better than God what takes place in people’s minds and hearts in their dying hour.

The same may be said for those who stay behind.  They understand and they really care.  He says in His Word that those who do not know Him will mourn like those without any hope.  These are the people who do not have a personal relationship with Him.  The rest of us already in a place of surrender, have a refuge against the storms.  Even though tears my often run down your cheecks throughout the process of shock when a loved one dies, until eventually coming to terms when He has helped you through the mourning process.

Not only do I want to use our story to honour the Lord for His precious love and support, but also to encourage others and also to give advise regarding our relationship with our children.  I honestly pray that it will help somebody with possible questions regarding God’s involvement in our times of need.  I also pray that readers will realise once again the seriousness of family relationships.  It has eternal value.


Rom 14:8 For both if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, both if we live, and if we die, we are the Lord’s.

Phil 1:21 For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.


The Lord could only have said these words in Psalms 116 verse 15 because He knows exactly the comfort and glory we enter when we leave this temporary temple dwelling to live with Him.  Therefore, we abide outside of our temporary earthly dwellings, to abide within our spiritual bodies as He describes in 1 Cor 15.  It is a truly glorious moment when a child of God dies, but it does not take away the pain for those who are left behind.  Only the Holy Spirit is the Comforter who will bring healing as time goes by.


1Co 15:40 There are also heavenly bodies and earthly bodies.

But the glory of the heavenly is truly different, and that of the earthly different;

1Co 15:41 one glory of the sun, and another glory of the

moon, and another glory of the stars; for one star differs from another star in glory.

1Co 15:42 So also the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in

corruption, it is raised in incorruption;

1Co 15:43 it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is

sown in weakness, it is raised in power;

1Co 15:44 it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual

body. There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body.


I would like to explain the word ‘death’. For us the word ‘death’ has a very painful meaning and we often forget that the word carries a much deeper meaning. Temporary life ends but the separation of our temporary body brings about the covering with an immortal body. Thus, death is something very precious for every child of God, if only we can see in the spirit and understand the role-play taking place in reality, when a child of God dies.

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